18 February 2020

Miss Independent

When I was little, I grew up wanting to be independent. Being an only child, it's something that feels quite natural to me. I was used to my own company, looking up to adults and holding my own in any conversation. My mum and granny always pushed me in education knowing that if I worked hard enough, it would make me independent. They are two independent women themselves - both providing for their families on their own. Independence was my norm - I've never looked at the women in my life and watched them ask for anything. 

Independence was always something I craved. To me, being independent is about being able to stand on your own two feet. I worked hard to get a good job so I could save for a house. Now I work hard every month to maintain my house, pay for my car and put food in my cupboards. There's something very rewarding that even through the struggles (and the long months when you are waiting for payday!), that I can close my door and make a cup of tea in my own house, that I purchased with my own money. I've been very lucky to have a supportive family but everything I have done is through their encouragement but MY hard work. I bought my first house at 25 - a great achievement but not an unusual one if you've lived at home and not moved out to rent. 

However, this life I have craved has now put me in a quandary. Am I too independent? I've never needed to ask for anything because my instinct is to work hard for it. As I reflect on why I remain single at 28, there is a constant thread that comes back to me from friends and family alike. 'You're probably a bit intimidating'. 'You're very successful, you'd need a strong man to cope with you'. 'They'd be some man to take you on'. I know all of the comments come from a place of love and with admiration for me and my achievements, but on the other hand, they make me sound like being independent is a powerful tool used to avert men from my direction. 

I have always wanted to meet my match - someone who is as independent as me and has a really full life of their own. I love the phrase 'Come whole already' - meaning don't go into a relationship expecting someone else to make you feel like a full person. My independence has always been my super power - it's the reason why I know so many of my readers have looked to me as a good role model. Now my super power seems to be the reason people think I am alone. 

I'm proud to be independent and proud to be a good role model for other women. Having your own money and resource is never something to be ashamed of. They would never same an independent man for it. He'd be deemed 'successful' whilst as I am being billed as 'hard to tame'.  

Never forget your super power. I just need to find someone who has the same one as me!