27 February 2017

Words from a big girl

Picture by Photography by Astrid
I'm a self professed big girl. I'd be the first to call myself a 'big girl' - I'd rather get in there before someone else had a chance. I've always been bigger than my peers growing up. In primary school I was always much taller than everyone else and now at almost 5 foot 10, I tend to tower over many of my petite friends. 

Being a big girl has never bothered me. Along with physically being a big girl, I also have a big girl attitude. This is the greatest part of being Northern Irish in my eyes. A big girl attitude is a sense of 'I can do anything' and confidence that makes people think you're doing alright in life.

The fact of the matter is, I struggle with my weight and I struggle with my confidence. I feel at a crossroads in my life. Do I go flat out at the gym, eat really clean and get down to a size 10 because I think it will give me more confidence? In reality, I think my confidence crossroads has been spurned on by men who do or don't find me attractive. I've questioned so often lately do boys like a big girl? I really don't know. I've heard men, even male friends of mine, make some horrendous comments about women & their weight. This is especially rich when it comes from a man who isn't exactly Mr World himself. 

Why is our society obsessed with weight? I've been bigger all my life and I've never felt it was a problem until others pointed it out. My confidence has rocked more because of comments across a lunch table or passing remarks from men intended as a joke. Women's magazines at this time of year particularly drive me nutty with their features on getting 'your beach body for the summer'. How about a feature on feeling fabulous in the body you are in?

Whether I'm a size 8 or size 18, I think confidence is constant variable. I have been much thinner and much more miserable. Even at a size 10, I was still a big girl. There's no right or wrong answer but as women, we need to stop tearing strips off each other. I hate nothing more than a woman calling another woman fat. It breaks my heart. You might just look at someone at see their weight but they might be super confident & feel gorgeous. My mind has been so changed over the past number of years as I've started to meet friends who struggle to both put on & loose weight. There's people I look at and I think they have the perfect figure - and they are still miserable. 

There's no right or wrong size but there is a hugely wrong, destructive attitude that is making weight a bigger problem than it needs to be. My goal for 2017 is to be so happy AND healthy. Health and thinness aren't always on the same spectrum. This big girl is trying to change her attitude to believe I'm fabulous at whatever size - just like the version of me in the picture above who doesn't give two hoots.