20 March 2015

Selfie Destruction

Over the past four years of my blogging career (I owned a semi-successful student blog before That Belfast Girl), I've become fairly used to taking pictures of myself. Selfies, have always been a love of mine. I have so many from hilarious nights out and of fun birthdays. But I also have a wide array of me with numerous products on my face. I'm not a model, nor would I ever want to be but often to show the product off best, I need to show it on my actual face. 

There's a misconception that bloggers are very confident. I speak only for myself when I say that I've always had self-confidence issues. I need so much reassurance about things and most of all, with the way I look. I'm sure there's a string of issues behind it but I don't ever remember looking at a picture of myself and thinking "I look fab". Like most women, I hide my insecurities fairly well but there comes a point when they seem to mount on you and you start to worry. If you saw my post 'Lip drama' from last week, you will have witnessed one such occasion. Over the past six months I've increasingly seen my self-confidence go from low to rock bottom. I've spent hours looking up skin treatments, semi-permanent makeup, cosmetic fillers and even invasive cosmetic procedures. I do put this down to constantly thinking I'm not good enough for my reader, to post a picture for thousands of people to see. But like I said before, I'm not a model. I'm a normal girl who loves lipstick as much as she loves pizza and ice-cream. 

This week, some sort of light bulb went off in my head. Why was I doing this to myself? If I already have low confidence, why would I think that all of these physical things would change how I feel in my heart? Would my face, if it was perfect and flawless make me any happier? And I know the answer is no. If you are reading this and are one of the many amazing readers that constantly gives me support and compliments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Women need to do that more. But what about when I'm wearing sweats, I have third day hair, I'm on my period and I've no makeup on? No one is going to tell me how fab I am then because let's be honest, I'm not looking so hot. So I have decided I'm going to tell myself how fab I am. Life is too bloody short. I'm fab because I'm on my third degree. I'm fab because I've made a business out of something I love. 

Selfie culture has really started to disturb me and I see some of my friend's kids who post Instagram selfies of themselves. I wonder do they look at my selfies of me made up to the nines and think that is what they have to look like? I've put a picture of me as a little girl on this post because I think back to being a kid. You thought you were fabulous, not really because people told you, just because you knew you were. You had a big world to explore and a 10p mix up made your day. I look at my little girl self and she looks so happy and beautiful because I wasn't concerned about what I looked like or more importantly, what people thought of what I looked like. 

So from now on, I want to embrace who I am and not worry so much about the stupid perfect selfie. When you see a selfie, remember it can be edited. Remember that all photos can be photoshopped- even if it's just on a blog and not in an issue of Vogue. 

I will finish with this. I recently told my friend's daughter if you look fab, you feel fab. I then realised it's really the other way around. You need to feel fab on the inside about yourself and outwardly, people will recognise the confidence and pride you have of your achievements and abilities, not just of your physical appearance. 

I'm on a path to build my confidence once and for all and I'd love you all to join with me on it. Join the conversation at #SelfieDestruction on Twitter @GemmaLEBond or Facebook